life

The 5 Worst Car Date Disasters — Shared by You!

Vishal Bhaskaran

Vishal Bhaskaran

2019-11-09

In the 70s’ cult classic Grease, John Travolta’s Danny gets the girl by simply driving a car very fast in what is essentially a massive drain. In real life however, the course of true love is never quite this smooth.

In our experience, the car is the worst aspect of the entire adventure — threatening to derail your best romantic efforts by refusing to cooperate. Here are some of the worst and funniest dating stories involving cars as told by you:

1.KT — Ding Dong Ditch

My father had a beautiful Alfa Romeo which I took to pick up a lady friend for a date. I believed this to be the best way to impress said lady friend. Did I have his permission? Well, he wasn’t home. And it was just for a couple of hours, what’s the worst that could happen? Allow me to answer that for you.

While waiting outside her house and trying to look macho with my arms folded and gazing off into the distance, I noticed that the glow of the headlights on the road seemed to be moving. Strange. I turned around just in time to see those same headlights slowly point skywards as my father’s prized wheels gently rolled backwards into a shallow drain, the front wheels gracefully raised in the air.

Dramatisation of said yelling. What’s going on with those earmuffs?

My date had appeared by then, and her yelling brought my out of my frozen shock as I prepared to make the worst phone call of my life thus far. Needless to say, we didn’t make our dinner reservations.

2. PG- Stalker's

This story is the biggest dumpster fire of my dating life.

I had my eye on this girl from another department, who happened to be the boss’s daughter, and finally worked up the courage to ask her to dinner and a movie. Surprisingly she said yes, so I did the absolutely normal thing and proceed to dig up as much personal info as I could from the company database.

Not creepy at all.

3. KDS - Die Skank, She Wrote

This guy from a client’s office asked me out on a date after a few days of flirting with me out of nowhere — we worked together for like six months before he asked me out. I thought it was kind of odd that he was suddenly interested in me after I’d been giving him bedroom eyes for half a year, but I agreed immediately.

I met him at his place and we took his car to dinner, leaving my car on the road outside. When we got back much later (Avengers Endgame has an absurdly long run time), my windshield was smashed and two of my tires had been slashed.

On the side, in bright red spray paint, were the words “DIE SKANK”.

Home run? No, I just ran home.

His response? “Yeah sorry. I just got out of a bad relationship.”

4. ND-Gatecrasher

This was not my own date, but the story of how I ruined one.

A friend wanted to meet a guy, let’s call him Gates, and asked me to come along to chaperone. Without cars of our own, I drove her dad’s car because I had a driving licence and she didn’t — she was 15 and I was 17. For context, it was a brand new Nissan X-Trail SUV.

In my supreme excitement of having reached Gates’ house successfully, I hit the accelerator instead of the brake and rammed into his front gate.

Talk about making an entrance.

Did we stay to assess the damage and sort things out? Did we hell. I immediately booked it out of there. My friend promptly burst into tears, wailing about the metaphoric death sentence that awaited her at home while ignoring Gates’ repeated calls.

Amazingly, there was not a scratch on the car. Gates, however, supposedly blamed the destruction to his family front gate on a failed robbery attempt.

5. Involuntary Expulsion

I had just started dating this guy and we went out to a party because all of his friends were in town for the holidays. There was a pretty dodgy looking prawn cocktail but I hadn’t eaten anything all day and attacked it with reckless abandon.

As the night went on, the sudden urge to go to the restroom and eject said dodgy prawns kicked in.

Cursed crustaceans.

I told my boyfriend to take me home ASAP. On the way out of the party he stopped to say bye to each of his friends while I just waited in the car. On the road, the chaos in my bowels started to escalate, and well, five minutes away from my house the dam burst. I pooped my pants in his car as I broke down in tears. We’ve been dating for five years now.

. . .

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Cars are the enabler of dates and sometimes lead to happily ever after, but they can just as easily be an obstacle threatening to ruin the whole endeavour. But hey, for an extra boost to your confidence and credentials, subscribe or switch up to that sexy coupé on Flux you’ve been eyeing. If you’re going to go down, go down in style.

Have a story that can top these? Let us know in the comments below, we’d love to hear from you.

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