The Most Ridiculous Stories from Isolation, As Told By You!

Vishal Bhaskaran

Vishal Bhaskaran


Whatever stage of madness you’re going through in these homebound times, we could all use a laugh right now. And thanks to the isolation stories you’ve sent in, it is our humble duty to spread the chuckles. Enjoy!

A Night Under the Stars — RM

No, not romantic. The complete opposite. My housemate and I were relaxing on the balcony on a cool evening, and planning dinner. I then promptly locked us out. It was past curfew and therefore too late for my girlfriend to deliver her spare keys to us, so we spent the night outdoors — in tropical humidity with only mosquitoes for company. My housemate still hasn’t spoken to me and my girlfriend still hasn’t stopped laughing.

No one can save you from the crushing reality of life. And a night on the balcony.

John Doe — KT

My living situation is such that proving my address to conform to maximum travel distance can be a pain. I live with an aunt who rents, so the only way I can definitively show my address is to have my birth certificate with me to show my mother’s maiden name, a copy of my aunt’s identity card to prove that their maiden names are identical, and a utility bill which shows my aunt’s name matched to the address. I cannot wait for this to end.

Captain Olivia Benson needs only three words to clear a roadblock.

Unexpected Company — KY

My sister and I have been riding out our isolation just fine — until a monkey broke into our apartment. I can tell you that the sudden sound of frantic footsteps and screeching is a recipe for soiled undergarments. We were simultaneously relieved that it wasn’t a robber and even more scared that it was a wild animal. After much mutual screeching, the monkey calmly walked out the front door. Now the apartment is stuffy because we’ve shut everything. Thanks, monkey.

Kindly drop the fruit and vacate the premises before I contact law enforcement.

Paranormal Policing — AOY

In my small town, lack of access to international news means that people haven’t been taking the virus pandemic as seriously as they should. Some, though, have had enough of misbehaving townsfolk. A notorious neighbour of mine came home and started yelling loud enough to wake up the entire street that there are spirits about. It turns out that a particularly bored individual had been dressing up in a sheet and scaring people into staying at home. It’s stupid, but it worked.

500 thread count Egyptian cotton, to scare in comfort. Scooby-Doo villain approved.

The Hamster Wheel — VB

My mother is an avid runner. Not being allowed to run outdoors was slowly taking its toll on her, and I knew that some form of a meltdown was imminent. I just didn’t expect it to be her, fully dressed in running gear, jogging around our apartment at 7am on a Sunday morning. For an entire hour. I opened my room door, bleary-eyed from sleep, took in this sight, and promptly shut the door to stay out of her way. This is now a routine carried out 3 times a week.

A reenactment of the scene carried out by method-acting rodents.

As you can see, we’re not alone in our struggles. Although clearly, some people are experiencing challenges more interesting than others.

Stay positive and remember, you are not being forced to remain indoors, you are making a selfless contribution to humankind to impose domestic exile upon yourself until the pandemic is purged from this land.

Fluxsters, over and out.


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